Dictat

Late word has it that the KOA (Kommittee on Art), that other, more sinister committee, has been visiting TB and XN.

As a public service, HSI presents these tips on how to deal.

Temporary art. If the Kommittee becomes too agressive, or one wishes a moment's peace, without actually deciding on something one would wish to see for months at a time, this is a great option. Maybe a few drawings from the kids would suffice.

Stall. Pretend that you've ordered something tasteful - and that it's due any day. Keep art.com catalogs around and say you've been thinking about it but can't quite decide on which one.

Co-optation. Call something art that's not really art, but might confuse the Kommisars. For example, call that gash on your wall "The Fall." Maybe put a frame around it.

Put up a postage stamp - there is a lovely variety available. Inexpensive, too!

Revenge. They want art? You'll give 'em art... Set up a table in the corner and litter it with Star-Trek figurines.

Performance Art. Invite Laurie Anderson, or Kim Jong-Il, over.

Rap/hip hop. This one is tricky, because after all, hip-hop is a lifestyle, and nobody likes Rap. See revenge, above. The neighbors would have to be more tolerant than the Kommittee.

Hopefully these tips will come in useful, and restore the comity of the office.

Alles Klar?